i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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