Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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