make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
