I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
