made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
