It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
