We won't sleep together?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
