I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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