Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize