i love accidental penises.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
