i dont even know how to be here
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
