I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
