You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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