true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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