with your own penis?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I love you. Go after that dick
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