That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
