She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
