I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
