The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
