and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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