so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
