You were right. It hurts to walk today.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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