clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
