I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Two words: nipple clamps
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