At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
