just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
