I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
