you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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