OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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