college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
