Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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