So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
