why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize