I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
