I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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