i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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