Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We are all done wearing pants today
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
