What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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