I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
