She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I did not marry a roomba.
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