It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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