I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
