She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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