I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
