Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
