i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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