There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
