ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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