Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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