Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
