So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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