Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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