I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
