I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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