is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
