Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
