u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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