So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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