he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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