why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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