everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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