TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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