CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
