I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
