Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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