my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
