I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
