Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
