Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
