Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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