But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
