we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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