i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
