It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
