May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
