What did we do last night that was yellow?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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