Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
