and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
