I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Quick, to the slutcave!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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